Blog Posts

Personal Update

I had half a post planned out a while ago, which I never ended up finishing. I’ll rework on it one day, because the point of that post was something that I would really love to talk about, and share with people. For the moment though, I feel as though I need to do a bit of a catch up and some planning.

So, I haven’t really posted anything in a while. Over a month. The half written and abandoned post was supposed to explain that I was no longer going to hold myself to the futile “two posts a week” thing that I was failing to do. I was going to try to aim instead for just one a week. Except it didn’t really end up working out that way.

While I would absolutely love to say that I’ve been busy working, and that is partially true. I have been going to work three days a week, which is about as much as I can do at the moment. When I get home, I simply feel really tired, and out of it, and it’s been taking pretty much all I have just to be doing something to try to help myself relax and de-stress after work. I’ve barely even been reading. Already I can pretty much guarantee my goal of reading a hundred books this year is unlikely to happen. I won’t say definitely not, though it’s not looking particularly probable at this point in time. So I’ve been working, and trying to de-stress after work. Unfortunately that means a lot of things have fallen by the wayside, including this blog.

The good news is that I at least have a few things I will start working on after this so that I can have some more posts to go up for the next couple of weeks at least. While I haven’t been reading much, there is a series I hadn’t quite started my review for yet, as well as one that I finished quite recently. On top of that I might branch out into doing more film reviews, as I saw both Battle Angel Alita and Captain Marvel in cinemas and there are definitely some interesting things to unpack from both of those.

In my previous post I mentioned that I’ve been doing a lot better because I have a job, and that wasn’t a lie. I am most definitely doing better than I was. That being said, it doesn’t mean I’m a hundred percent better. Part of me feels bad for only going to work three days a week, instead of five like everyone else. Especially when I know that I could, if I wanted to. I could push myself, and go to work those extra two days. Except it almost feels like those two days off are the only thing keeping me as together as I am at the moment.

Weekends are different. Especially when I find that my weekends lately have been filling up with things to do. Having a day which I can choose to dedicate to just lying in bed and zoning out from the outside world is crucial. It may not be something that many other people require or understand, but I do know that there are others out there who can relate. Others who push themselves to get through days they’re barely coping so they can make it to the day when they don’t have to.

So yes, I’m still doing better. I’m struggling, but doing a lot better than how I was without a job. I have a reason to wake up in the morning. Even though some days may be harder than others. I have money that I can spend on myself, and I’ve been putting money aside in my savings. I’ve been able to buy food that I enjoy eating, as well as books, games, and back projects on kickstarter that I believe in.

Everything takes time. Some people are able to jump into the freezing cold water, or immerse themselves in a steamy tub. Others need to go slowly and let themselves adapt. I just need to focus on adapting and getting comfortable, but I’ll try not to forget to post at least once a week from here on out.

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Blog Posts

Up and Up

I have good news for anyone who reads this and cares about my life right now: I have a job.

I’ve only just started, so I’m still kinda paranoid that it’ll disappear from under me any minute now, but it’s a job, which is honestly great.

Before getting this job, I had a few days of training last week. Honestly? Ever since I found out about the training, I’ve been feeling a lot better. I had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I was getting out of the house, being social. I was talking to people who aren’t the same few people (Okay, I love my friends, but sometimes you just get tired of talking to the same few people every single day with no variety).

I’m noticing huge changes in my behaviour. The fact that I’m actually talking to people at work is honestly shocking to me. A couple of weeks ago I was so down that I thought for sure I’d be dedicated to my “spend all my time that’s not working in a corner reading and ignoring everyone” plan. Instead, I’m talking, making jokes, and I think I’m actually socialising properly? Is this how you make friends and such? Weird.

Two days into working, and I’m already doing so much better. I haven’t even been paid yet. I may already be planning what I’m going to do with that money. Mostly saving and getting my P’s. Getting ready to stand on my own two feet. Hopefully. At the very least being able to start driving myself around. Which will be great, then I won’t have to deal with waiting for someone else to be able to supervise me driving every morning.

Progress, right?

Anyway, that’s really the biggest thing that I can comment about right now. I’ve mostly been going through general induction things the last couple of days. Mostly, I just wanted to share how much better I’m already going, mentally, than I was last week, and have been in general for the past few weeks. Hopefully things will only go upwards from here. And, funnily enough, being in a positive mindset is something that often helps when you’re down. Which is incredibly hard to do when you’re down. Just like how many of the best money-saving tips don’t work if you’re poor.