Blog Posts

We Can’t Be Friends

Today I saw Bohemian Rhapsody, and oh boy was it amazing. I had goosebumps. The casting was absolutely spot on—couldn’t possibly be more perfect. There were moments I had to laugh—when Mike Myers’ character was saying how no one would crank up the movie’s namesake song and sing along with it. Especially given the first time I remember hearing the song was when I watched the movie Wayne’s World. As amazing as the movie was, it’s not what I particularly want to talk about in this blog. Instead, let me talk about one of the advertisements that came on before the movie.

A family were sitting in a car. Two boys, their father, and a little girl. The oldest boy had just received detention, for flicking a girl’s skirt up. The father said that was such a small thing to get detention for. His brother said that it’s silly, cos boys will be boys. The young girl explained how she was already well aware of how she was basically an object, and how she was expecting to be harassed like that for the rest of her life. Needless to say, I fell in love with this ad. For such a simple thing, it captured one of the most problematic things about our society’s view of men and women so perfectly.

While I’d love to continue about the “boys will be boys” problem, it has been done to death on the internet—and for good reason. Today, instead, I’d like to share my views with you about another issue our society faces. One which I don’t see as much discourse about online. What I’d like to discuss today, is the myth that adult men and women can’t just be friends.

This is the big myth, of which so many others stem. The myth of the friend zone, for example, comes from this. Well, I say myth of the friend zone. It’s not entirely a myth. It does exist. Though for the most part it’s for good reason. Personally, I would like to blame a hetero-normative society for the beginning and continued propagation of this myth.

It annoys me, for example, when it becomes obvious when reading a book who the love interest will be, simply because they’re the person the main character is closest to of the opposite gender. Or, worse than that, those books (movies, TV shows, media of any sort) where there’s a schism between friends, or a relationship, because of a girl or a boy. For example, Twilight. Yeah, I’m not a fan, I’m just using it as an example because it’s popular and was for some reason the first thing that jumped into my head.

Bella was friends with Jacob, but he was in love with her, even though she was in love with Edward. Obviously the whole thing gets awkward, and gross, but… let’s ignore that. Instead, I’ll look at Vampire Academy (a far better teenage vampire series, in my opinion). In the first two novels, Rose is friends with Mason, who was in love with her. It’s one of the reasons why I love books that break this tradition. And books where you can honestly find yourself uncertain as to who the main character is going to end up with at the end.

There are book series which I love, and still have the same or similar problems. For example, The Darkness Rising trilogy by Kelley Armstrong, Maya’s best friend, who seems to be firmly her best friend throughout the series, ends up being the love interest. Not that I’m complaining, I loved the series, and Dan was a beautiful person, but it still has that sense of “boys and girls can’t just be good friends” to me.

Even in Harry Potter, I remember everyone shipping Harry and Hermione, before the last book. Everyone was certain they were going to end up together. Then there’s Ron being the one to end up with Hermione (not to mention his moment destroying Slytherin’s locket where he’s worried Hermione and Harry might have ended up together).

It’s so annoying to me when people are jealous of anyone talking to their partner. A girl wouldn’t be worried that her partner was going to leave her for another boy. Even if the boy is bi (I imagine I’ll discuss bi-erasure on another blog one day. Perhaps. Not today’s topic, at least) she won’t be nearly as jealous of a boy talking to him than she would of a girl.

This is just a big pet peeve of mine. In any case, I shall leave you to contemplate the subject, and maybe reevaluate any friendships you may have. Blogs and reviews will likely be rather short from me for the moment, as unfortunately I am almost entirely drained. Certainly, uni is finished for now. I just wish my anxiety might listen to that fact, and calm down.

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